Return of the Prodigal Blogger

So, it's been about six months since I have posted anything here--and with good reason. Marriage, and all of its associated adjustments, take a lot of time and work. I can tell you now, however, how fortunate I feel to have married Kassandra. She is the best part of my day. Nothing makes me happier than to here here laugh.

So here I sit, in Lawrence, Kansas. We'll be going to church in an hour or so, where I will teach two lessons, and then I have some hometeaching to do tonight. That with the recent call to be the 2nd counselor in the Young Men's presidency (as well as an assistant Scoutmaster) create quite a busy schedule for me. Add my six hours of LSAT prep course each week, and my 8-10 hour days at work and you have a recipe for not having any time to slack.

But not having time to slack is a good thing. It keeps you working, and work is good. Your mind stays sharp. Your focus is heightened. And then, when you finally do get a chance to see your spouse, the time is sweet.

For us, that sweetness was really visible as my wife beat the tar out of me bowling. She's good. I'm not. But it was a lot of fun, and you might be surprised to know that this is the first time we have been bowling together. Next on our list is to go to the movie theater together. We still haven't done that one yet, and probably won't for a good while.

So here's to life, and a renewed attempt to keep the world updated with mine.

Kassandra's graduation weekend

Well, I didn't get to post again on the 4th, but that's ok. I'm just glad that I am finding time here and there again so that I can keep things going.

This past weekend, Kassandra graduated from her master's program. I am so proud of her. She was really funny about it too. She's not really into things that she thinks are silly or over the top. One example: she's never The Sound of Music, and she probably never will. SciFi and fantasy movies are right out. All of these are feelings that she has about a graduation ceremony. In fact, I'm willing to bet that if we weren't making concessions to our family, our wedding would be just the temple ceremony and dinner with our immediate family.

So the robes, the tassles, the caps, the procession and especially the hood are all on Kassandra's bad list (the hood because she gets claustrophobic having anything around her neck.) So, as we drove to graduation with her friend Michelle in the back seat, all we heard was how she was doing this for her mom and now her mom wasn't going to be there. Two points of clarification: Kassandra did not walk at her high school or undergraduate graduations for the above listed reasons; and her mom wanted to be there, but could not because of some developments around Kassandra's hospitalization.

Karla would not have missed that if everything had gone according to plan. Aside from that, I think it was still important to Karla that Kassandra walked. Now here's where I believe I am starting to get a little insight into my bride-to-be's psyche. She complained about it, but I know that after it was done, she was glad she had done it. Of course, she will never admit that, but the way she carried herself and talked to us showed that she appreciated the fact that Michelle and I were there for her.

Kass has worked so hard in the last few months, and in less than a year, she pulled out a 2-3 year master's degree. That is an impressive feat by any standard. Even more so when you consider the fact that she was working her way through that program and did it with a 3.8 GPA.

I am so very proud of her and her achievement.

could i possibly wait any longer to update?

Well, as usual, the end of April has been quite eventful.

After Kass was discharged from the hospital, we learned that life has no intention of slowing down for us yet. Obviously, Kassandra was pushing herself to recover from surgery more quickly than she should have, but then, she's been spending so much time trying to accomplish everything possible in life that I don't think she knows how to do anything different yet.

Honestly, though, my favorite time with her was spent circling the block to get some exercise for her and prevent blood from pooling in her legs. We took it slowly, and she often joked about her senior-citizen body. It was cute to see her shuffle and pump that arm though. Perhaps a preview of coming attractions a few decades down the road.

I learned for myself that one of the best ways for me to avoid being superficially offended when her sarcasm included teasing me was to learn to tease back. I have spent so long being afraid of offending people and having them not want to be in my life that I didn't I could trust her to know it was a joke. And in that repressive state, I wasn't realizing it was a joke either.

Its funny to see her reaction to my sarcasm, though. I think she likes the sarcasm, even though she cringes when any joke borders on the corny side. I'm sure she'll be thrilled if I am ever a Scoutmaster.

So while Kassandra was recovering, we were also finishing up her last assignments at the end of the semester--no small task, though we were grateful for the head start we already had. It was only this past Friday that we finally got the last assignment off of her plate, and what a relief to know that there is no more.

Intermixed with finishing school work was the preparation necessary for moving Kassandra out of her room. Boxes and boxes were packed, loaded into my car, and then stored in my already-cramped bedroom or under the pool table in the basement.

But after a few late nights and early mornings we are seeing the dawn on the horizon. We are getting married in just a month, and I am looking forward to being able to spend my days with this wonderful companion of mine.

We're still not totally sure what we will do with our free time in Kansas. We're so used to being terribly busy after work here. It will be nice to relax, garden together, go for walks and have the dating experience we were never really able to have.

We basically went right for the serious dating and engagement with all of the stress and drama that can produce. It will be wonderful if we get a chance to spend some time unwinding together in our new home.

That's all for now. I may right some more later today (maybe).

an eventful week

Well, it seems I have gotten less and less good about keeping up to date with my blog postings. That's an unfortunate trend, because about 4 months ago I transitioned to using a blog instead of a hard copy journal. I think i am probably missing out on the recording of many experiences, especially since I have to self-edit a little bit more when i have them on the Web for everyone to see.

Early in the week, Kass was able to find us a place to live in Lawrence, KS for us. It fits our needs really well, and even if we can't find any jobs outside of bagging groceries, we will still be able to afford the rent and our other outstanding expenses. That is a comforting thought.

Another comforting thought is the fact that the Lord will provide a way for us to be able to make ends meet. We are doing the best we can to be obedient to the commandments and to the direction that we have received to this point. I know He will provide a way for us to make it, even if we are of modest and humble means for a while.

In fact, I think that it would be a really good experience for us in the early years of our marriage to have very little except each other. I think that that will provide for some wonderful bonding experiences.

On Thursday, I received some good news. A former employer sent me an e-mail regarding his wife's home business. It isn't quite profitable yet, but it has a great deal of potential. Anyway, he asked me if I would be willing to do a little freelance pr work for them. Of course it would be below retail cost, and it isn't a full-time job, but it is something. I'm going to take on the project, though I still need to make a plan and write up an estimate for him.

The thing about this is that it is taking me in a direction that I never would have thought to do in other economic circumstances: I may go into business for myself. I can potentially find a niche market in servicing small business owners who can't afford to hire a firm for themselves. I have very little overhead, and as long as I can underbid the competition and promise a return-on-investment, I might be able to make it work.

Really, all I need is a phone and an Internet connection and I can do this work from anywhere for clients anywhere. I was actually just thinking about some people that I know from school that do Web development and graphic design that I can possibly partner up with on projects to outsource and send work their way.

This could turn out really well if I can find some other clientele. I'm not really sure how to go about doing that, but hey, whatever works. I just need a little extra cash, and I would love to put some food on the table for my family-to-be.

I spent so much time being sheltered and protected, even while I was in college, and now I am finding myself in a situation where I am growing up really quickly. I went into work with no boss on Friday. I found out at a meeting later that morning that she had been let go after I left work the day before. That was a little shocking. After the meeting where we were informed, we all went back to our desks and carried on with our work, only without our boss.

I really appreciate what she did for me though. She gave me a lot of learning and growing experiences when I was out here the first time, and she trusted me to get things done for her when I came back out the next time. If it hadn't been for Teri, I would never have met the woman who is going to be my wife in six weeks. Even though the full-time job prospect I anticipated did not materialize, I am grateful for the gift of knowing Kassandra. She has been worth the trip, as short as it might have been.

Speaking of Kassandra, she and I registered finally (at Bed, Bath and Beyond) on Friday night. The poor girl was in a lot of pain when we got home though. She had been hurting a little bit before we started, and she was very physically tired. The strain put her a little over the edge at that point.

So we tried to continue to get things done on Saturday, but she was still wiped out, and around midnight we figured out that there was something a little more serious going on. She's not in any serious danger or anything, but that brought us to the hospital. She didn't want to go of course, but I didn't really listen to her on that. Her mom and her doctor/brother felt like she needed to come in and get checked, so come in we did.

So the process of lab work and waiting, and sonogram and waiting, and being admitted and waiting, and waiting and waiting began. I was with her at the hospital for 6 hours before she was totally settled into her room, and I then went home to get a few hours of sleep before coming back in.

It's not life threatening, and that is good, but she might be here for a little bit. I am glad however, that I get to be here with her, because I can see the look in her eye that says she is grateful that I am here with her. It's actually kind of funny, because she was just telling me on Saturday that she has the body of a 60-year-old, and when she asked me if I still wanted to marry her with all of those challenges, I told her she must be crazy to think I would ever want to give her up for anything. I think she knows that I am not exaggerating now. She knows I want to be here with her, supporting her, taking care of her, and that this is not a burden to me. It is the blessing of caring for someone you love in a way that words do not adequately describe. I thin she is feeling that love.

I've probably said more already than she would have wanted me too, but I really needed to record these moments for our children who have yet to join us. The last thing she would want, though, is to have a big group of people make a big deal about it. And the last thing I would want is for people to mention to her that they read about it in my blog. So you know what the drill is: zip it.

drum roll please... pictures of kass and i from kristin's visit

So, now to answer the many questions that I am sure await me:

Yes, I have grown a bit of facial hair. I am aware of that.

Yes, she is definitely cuter than I am. Please don't try to make her aware of that.

Yes, we will post engagement pictures when those are ready.

I'll post a little more later.

if only i was as cute as kass

Well, it was certainly an eventful long weekend for me if not for anyone else.

I left work a little early on Wednesday to meet Kassandra at her office so we could make it out to Dulles in time for our flight. The destination? Las Vegas. She was going to work out some of the arrangements for our wedding in June. I was going to meet the rest of the family.

While I was pretty sure I would be ok (let's be honest here--I actually do love Kassandra, and there is no way I would mistreat her like she has been before), there is always a little of that lingering question of whether or not you will pass the test of the three brothers.

The first new person I met, though, was Kass's father, Mark. Why did I not fear him? Because the phone call I had built up in my mind as being the scariest call of my life was one of the easiest things I had ever done. I could never have imagined her father being that trusting of me. Of course, I was informed later that he didn't expect anyone would have the courtesy to ask him for permission to marry his daughter.

So Thursday morning I drove over to Mark and Karla's home (those are Kassandra's parents), and while we all sorted through Kassandra's knickknacks, I got to know Mark even better. He is just a genuinely nice guy. Really and truly, lovable to the core. Also, he laughs at my bad jokes, even when Kass refuses me the pleasure. ;)

In the corse of those events, my new niece and nephews came around and I met them for the first time. Their mom, Michelle is married to Kassandra's oldest brother, who would apparently be brutally honest with her about whether or not he thought us getting married was a good idea.

I'm willing to bet that meeting prompted the call that came a few hours later inviting Kass and I to join their family for dinner. So it was at Olive Garden that I met Spencer, and got to answer some hard questions from Michelle that were less about me, and more about how I felt about certain attitudes in Mormon culture. I'm sure my answers would be just as revealing as anything else could be, but we were also followed up with the "How do you know this is the right thing you are doing?" question.

That one was no easy task. Admittedly, this relationship has moved extremely fast.

When things were done, we wandered out to the parking lot, continuing our goodbyes as we walked. Bryton lost control of his paper airplane in a gust of wind, and it was apparently during this time that Spencer gave his very honest evaluation of the engagement.

Kass later told me he said I combined all the best attributes of any of the guys she had ever had any relationships with before, and that he would marry me if that was an option. Of course, Michelle gave him one of those looks after that comment, but I was very flattered and encouraged when I found out about it.

That pretty much set the tone for the rest of my visit.

I met each brother in succession, each one very different in personality, but I felt like I was able to get along with each of them in a different way.

And so it went. Grandma called me a keeper. The whole family seemed to embrace me. It was really nice.

The only difficult thing for me was getting through all the pictures we took. We spent an hour and a half in the cold wind taking engagement pictures on Friday morning. Verdict? Kass look really cute (obvious) and I look Asian. I couldn't open my eyes any wider to save my life!

While Kass was a little frustrated with those results, I was still really happy we spent that time together. I just really enjoyed being with her, doing what we were doing. That, to me, was a foretaste of heaven. We'll just photoshop some eyes on me later.

The icing on the cake came at the airport on the way home. We knew we were pretty low on the totem pole of Southwest check-ins by the number we were assigned. What we didn't realize is that we were the last two people to receive boarding passes. We parted ways with the hope of being able to sit together pretty quickly, but truth is often stranger than fiction.

The copilot was standing in front of us in line, and he suggested we try to schmooze some people out of their seats. Kass joked that she could drop the "we just got engaged" line and hope that improved our odds. Apparently it did, because the copilot convinced the flight attendant to offer free drinks to anyone willing to switch seats so the newly engaged couple could sit together.

Eventually, a few gentlemen moved for us, obviously persuaded with the offer of free booze on a four-and-a-half hour flight, and when we walked down the airplane's aisle to our seats, the whole plane seemed to erupt in cheers, applause and congratulations.

It seems my recent theory on my life is proving more correct every day. As long as I don't choose to be the fictional, uptight Cameron, I am Ferris Bueller.

Either that or God really likes Kassandra. I'm willing to bet on the latter.

lesson 1 in patience, never write a post in iGoogle

So there is a tremendous irony in what just happened. I was in the middle of writing one of the longest and most heartfelt postings I had ever written, and for some unknown reason, everything disappeared from my window during a courtesy refresh.

The irony? It was about perfectionism and the need I have for developing greater patience in my life. :)

Life is full of fun little lessons, and I suppose the real learning comes in the doing.

I can sum up what I wrote about briefly, though:

1. I am a perfectionist
2. I am impatient with situations, others and mostly myself.
3. I believe I wasted a lot of my time as an undergrad on the practical things.
4. Those practical things are worthless when no one is hiring.
5. I actually forgot what I like to do for fun.
6. I need to relearn what I like to do for fun.
7. Impatience and perfectionism negatively impact relationships--especially the important ones.
8. Sometimes, doing the best you can doesn't mean pushing your actual physical limits--it means doing your best while maintaining balance in your life.

So there it is, and here I am, plotting my road to recovery. A road strewn with unmade beds, unfolded clothes, ignoring so-called "important things" if I am feeling internal pressure to do them, standing in longer lines, etc.

Really, I need to spend some time having fun and relaxing more. I also need to take a hard look at myself and really think about the things that I like about myself.

There is a careful distinction that needs to be made there, though. I don't need to look for character attributes that the world, society, my mother or my fiance values. I need to look for the things that I value and enjoy.

I need to spend some time each day really coming to know what it is that I like about myself, and then embracing it.

The great thing is, I know I can do this. It's probably going to be the second-hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I know I can do it.

So here I go, off to undo the the details of my life that are unimportant. Who knows, I might even have some fun.